Dear Zach,

 

I’m not great at this whole open letter format thing. But I thought that, after three years, it was about time I said something. This last year especially has been a bit wild. I’ve learned a lot of information that I didn’t want to know, that clarifies why you did what you did. Sis told her story – I know she mentioned it to you. That case got stuck in the terrible void between probable cause and proof beyond a reasonable doubt, as so many of these delayed abuse cases do, so it doesn’t look like human justice will pan out. But I think you’re in agreement that it was never justice we wanted. Personally, I’d much prefer just to see some healed souls out of this. I know my soul is more than a little tore up over this, and I didn’t even go through it.

 

You did the wrong thing. You should have stuck around and stayed in the fight. I get why you did it, more so than I did even a year ago, but that doesn’t make it right. If you’d have heard how the sisters reacted, or even how he reacted, you’d know what I mean. Dad was the worst. Everybody else flipped their lids. Dad just got real quiet. Quiet is worse. When the coroner was done with the autopsy I inspected your body, which was pretty surreal. Mom wanted an open casket but I’ve seen enough 10-56’s to know they can get messy, so I had to check.

 

On that note – having said my piece – I’m done being mad about it. Sorry it took me this long.

 

I pray for you. I don’t know where you ended up, so I’ll just keep it up until we regroup. I’m not very good at that, either, but I think the whole point of grace is that our imperfect, clumsy petitions can be presented to a God so perfect and beyond our comprehension. Anyway – here’s hoping you made it.

 

I pray for him, too. He’s shown his true colors and it’s been difficult to see. Apparently, in thirty years I never met the guy. From everything our sisters tell me, and going through your journals, it looks like he had a different face for every situation. Oh, and you’ll get a kick out of this – when Sis made her disclosure he tried to flip the script and put it on me. I’d be pissed, but honestly in terms of who got wronged the worst I’m comparatively lucky. Point is – if you’re in good company, of course – maybe you could ask for healing for him, too. He’s broke bad, but it turns out Jeffery Dahmer was a prison convert, as was David Berkowitz. I figure if those two can find peace and forgiveness, he still has a chance.

 

What else is new? K is in ballet, talks about you a lot, and in the same day she mourned the death of a spider she named Rosie and expressed the desire to go hunting whitetail with me. S is a wild man and he’s a dead ringer for you. They’d have loved you. R is almost through her RN program. We still lay out a beer and a plate for you at Thanksgiving. The political world is as catastrophic and hilarious as ever. Oh, and I learned how to make proper smash burgers. The trick is to hit the raw side with a little yellow mustard before you flip, so the mustard caramelizes. When I get there in fifty or sixty years I’ll show you.

 

Anyway, I’ll talk to you later. I miss you. Feel free to come possess my toaster or something.

 

Love,

Timaeus the Wolf